Like all failed graduates who can't find a proper job, I've given some thought to becoming a teacher. I saw an advert in a newspaper for teacher training last week and decided to apply. Anyway, it looks like a good deal: there are no fees to pay and there's a government grant (yes! free money) of £6,000 for a half year of study.

"Fuck it, that sure beats the dole!" I said to myself and swiftly applied for an application form.

It's a PGCCE so I'd be able to teach A-Levels and stuff. I'd also be able to put PGCCE after my name, which is two letters better than PhD.

Anyway, I didn't get on the course. You needed a 'C' or above in GCSE English. I got As and A*s in my science-related GCSEs but failed my English related ones. I wrote to the Polyversity's admissions tutor blaming my former school for my failings- "I was dyslexic and insufficient provisions were made for my disability!"

But it didn't get me anywhere. Total bitches! I can understand where they're coming from. My English IS terrible, I don't know the alphabet and I can't count above 40.

There shall be no more pointless education this year- I will have to get some hateful clerical job.

(or should that have been 'will' and not 'shall?')
(is it 'shall?' or 'shall'?)